The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
