I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
