I think im going to throw up on grandma
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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