I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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