tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
