apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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