If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
