I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
