Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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