I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
