I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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