if you like me you must not know who I am
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
