i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
