So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
