is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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