we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
