Pants 0. Shit 1.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
