I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
