his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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