Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT