Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..