i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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