All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?