Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.

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  (703): I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin. http://tfl.nu/zjl9
  Replies (6) Good night (3603) Bad night (1160)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy

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  (864): turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy http://tfl.nu/uoz8
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.

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  (304): Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this. http://tfl.nu/ysuz
  Replies (3) Good night (1351) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it

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  (503): Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it http://tfl.nu/r81k
  Replies (14) Good night (3423) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.

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  (914): I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP. http://tfl.nu/wc3n
  Replies (12) Good night (2202) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried

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  (540): Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried http://tfl.nu/qg5l
  Replies (2) Good night (849) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.

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  (661): Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me. http://tfl.nu/rph6
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.

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  (704): I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/63zf
  Replies (3) Good night (731) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.

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  (704): Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success. http://tfl.nu/ssjq
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...

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  (248): Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider... http://tfl.nu/jksb
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I wish drunk me came with subtitles

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  (860): I wish drunk me came with subtitles http://tfl.nu/t49l
  Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me

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  (905): I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me http://tfl.nu/utzc
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...

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  (204): So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose... http://tfl.nu/vbso
  Replies (2) Good night (126) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me

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  (905): I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me http://tfl.nu/yn4j
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (118)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.

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  (503): The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company. http://tfl.nu/1nom
  Replies (0) Good night (315) Bad night (112)

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