my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
