in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
