I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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