I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
