in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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