The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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