I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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