Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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