I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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