i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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