First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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