You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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