hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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