So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
