Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
