she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
