I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
