Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
