She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
