I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
