Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
