this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
