I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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