I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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