Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
