You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
