FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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