She said her name was "party"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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