Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
