Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
