Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
