You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
