I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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