i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I want is dick and wine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
