i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
