I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
