Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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