I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
