btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
