It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
