I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
