3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wish i was in the wii world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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