well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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