there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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