Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
