if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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