May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
