your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
