so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
