She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
