Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
