i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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