Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
