Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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