omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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