remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
