College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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