k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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