I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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